Bye bye Ben

Bye bye Ben

Sir Alan did not one, not two but THREE things this week to remind us why he’s brilliant. 1: He looked like a Smurf (thanks to them bright blue hospital shoe-bags he was wearing at the briefing). 2: He revealed that he used to be in the “Bugle Brigade” (picture Sir Alan in little band-camp shorts puffing away at a shiny bugle). 3: He pulled a massive surprise out of the bag, and everyone loves surprises.

Just as I was warming my pipes up for a rousing rendition of ‘Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead’, in celebration of the departure of Debra Fish Face; Smurf Alan about-turned and pointed his bugle at Ben instead. Shocker. But once I’d picked myself up off the floor and given it some thought, I saw where the Bugle-Smurf was coming from. There’s only so many times a ponsy podgy pillock can shout “Sandhurst!” before you question if he’s got anything else to brag about. And he constantly looks like a mole that’s been startled by the daylight, which is reason enough to fire anyone.

The failure came down to a stupid, hugely expensive rocking horse, a fault that was as much Ben’s as Debra’s, such was their enthusiasm for it. James was pretty pathetic too, seeing as he failed to do, well, anything – but at least he’s funny and he looks great in a birthing pool. Ultimately, it could have been all three of them for the chop. But then Ben went and spoiled it all by saying something stupid like… “Sandhurst”.

Never mind, Ben. I’m sure the big boys at Sandhurst won’t bog-wash you too many times.

In other news, James to win.

Words: David Levin

 

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  1.  
    a from b says:
    Jun 8, 09:01

    ?

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  2.  
    the meakon from mars says:
    Jun 8, 08:52

    gene kelly, if you had a brain you certainly wouldnt be wasting it stawking on these boards, youd be elsewhere polishing your dinkies

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  3.  
    a from b says:
    Jun 7, 22:39

    gotch again jen

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  4.  
    ivor bigun from kent says:
    Jun 7, 22:23

    Fancy a workout j?

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  5.  
    j from l says:
    Jun 7, 22:16

    forget it maddie, been fooled by you once to often, u r nout but a headcase.

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