Bye bye Ben
Sir Alan did not one, not two but THREE things this week to remind us why he’s brilliant. 1: He looked like a Smurf (thanks to them bright blue hospital shoe-bags he was wearing at the briefing). 2: He revealed that he used to be in the “Bugle Brigade” (picture Sir Alan in little band-camp shorts puffing away at a shiny bugle). 3: He pulled a massive surprise out of the bag, and everyone loves surprises.
Just as I was warming my pipes up for a rousing rendition of ‘Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead’, in celebration of the departure of Debra Fish Face; Smurf Alan about-turned and pointed his bugle at Ben instead. Shocker. But once I’d picked myself up off the floor and given it some thought, I saw where the Bugle-Smurf was coming from. There’s only so many times a ponsy podgy pillock can shout “Sandhurst!” before you question if he’s got anything else to brag about. And he constantly looks like a mole that’s been startled by the daylight, which is reason enough to fire anyone.
The failure came down to a stupid, hugely expensive rocking horse, a fault that was as much Ben’s as Debra’s, such was their enthusiasm for it. James was pretty pathetic too, seeing as he failed to do, well, anything – but at least he’s funny and he looks great in a birthing pool. Ultimately, it could have been all three of them for the chop. But then Ben went and spoiled it all by saying something stupid like… “Sandhurst”.
Never mind, Ben. I’m sure the big boys at Sandhurst won’t bog-wash you too many times.
In other news, James to win.
Words: David Levin
Your comments
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roy from lytham says:Jun 17, 10:25
of course its what he wants to be,look at the millions sugar has made,and is still making,I might add!!
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Stan from gillingham says:Jun 17, 09:17
alan sugar, the knocker salesman made good from flogging crap amstrad comps and tatty hi fi's, a brush seller with an attitude, ben is that what you really want to be! good luck but its a cruel world out there.
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bee from b says:Jun 14, 22:57
just read the foreword, and I for one do not think alan s is brilliiant.In fact hes only in it for the money,even though hes already loaded. Pure Greed!!
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Ruth from chelmsford says:Jun 14, 10:10
Bye ben, sir alan doesnt know what hes missing, grannys been at it again!!
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Sandra from Mid/sex says:Jun 11, 15:10
I think Ben is an absolute hunk, he would get my vote everytime.
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