1. Dec 3, 09:46 "I'm shocked that Nicola's out"

   Bringing to mind an Iceland party-size sausage roll, Joe Swash in lycra was never going to blow the ladies away. However, he did a good job on his trial and brought home six meals for the camp. Whilst many couch potatoes in the UK will sneer at how "easy" these trials are, after a few weeks of rice, beans and Dollar man, energy levels are about as low as... Simon's on day one.

2. Dec 2, 10:08 "Simon took a stupid gamble"

   Non-swimmer Simon thought that the underwater challenge would be a good one for him to risk the food supply to his starving camp mates. As gamblers go, he is either a high roller or a bit stupid. As Doctor Bob applied the oxygen mask to a rather grey-looking singer, I think we made our mind up on that one.

3. Nov 28, 09:49 "We won't miss Dani"

   Yesterday two of our campest campers thought they would get to grip with the birds. Fortunately it turned out to be the easiest trial in the history of the jungle. Even the soundtrack from Jaws couldn’t add an element of tension.

4. Nov 25, 11:30 "Nicola has lost her balls"

   The argument over who does the cooking continues to rage unabated. Food is the most important thing in the jungle, so the tension around it is somewhat understandable. Dani – a.k.a. "the world's worst loser" threw her teddies out of the cot because she wasn't allowed to cook. So she went to bed with nothing. Since she's a mother of two, her husband really must be up against it when the three kids in his life kick off.

5. Nov 22, 12:07 Mallett and Mullet are equally annoying

   The introduction of 'Bush Battles' for eviction immunity tends to sort the jungle fun-bunnies from the jungle die-hards.

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