Ice creams were hidden around the jungle today to celebrate the team’s success at the Bush Battle. Whilst three searched frantically before the melt set in, David gorged on his and turned to the more important matter of his hair care products. He was never in the running for The King of Camaraderie.

Whilst there is not too much action in the jungle, all the other evictees are living the life of riley in the ultra salubrious Versace hotel. However, with only a few days to go the balance shifts and the desire to win is surely greater than the desire to get to the delights that are in store for you in the form of a Versace apartment replete with gold taps and Gold Coast.

Bringing to mind an Iceland party-size sausage roll, Joe Swash in lycra was never going to blow the ladies away. However, he did a good job on his trial and brought home six meals for the camp. Whilst many couch potatoes in the UK will sneer at how "easy" these trials are, after a few weeks of rice, beans and Dollar man, energy levels are about as low as... Simon's on day one.

Day two and the jungle is already starting to take its toll. The absence of power showers, family and food all under a rainy Aussie sky can suddenly make the jungle seem an awfully long way from home.

The jungle this year is more like a glimpse back in time to when wrinkled old dinosaurs roamed the land. With Esther, Killjoy and some guy off Star Trek competing for pension points, it is destined to be more false teeth than false tits I fear.