Ice creams were hidden around the jungle today to celebrate the team’s success at the Bush Battle. Whilst three searched frantically before the melt set in, David gorged on his and turned to the more important matter of his hair care products. He was never in the running for The King of Camaraderie.

Whilst there is not too much action in the jungle, all the other evictees are living the life of riley in the ultra salubrious Versace hotel. However, with only a few days to go the balance shifts and the desire to win is surely greater than the desire to get to the delights that are in store for you in the form of a Versace apartment replete with gold taps and Gold Coast.

Non-swimmer Simon thought that the underwater challenge would be a good one for him to risk the food supply to his starving camp mates. As gamblers go, he is either a high roller or a bit stupid. As Doctor Bob applied the oxygen mask to a rather grey-looking singer, I think we made our mind up on that one.

Yesterday two of our campest campers thought they would get to grip with the birds. Fortunately it turned out to be the easiest trial in the history of the jungle. Even the soundtrack from Jaws couldn’t add an element of tension.

The jungle this year is more like a glimpse back in time to when wrinkled old dinosaurs roamed the land. With Esther, Killjoy and some guy off Star Trek competing for pension points, it is destined to be more false teeth than false tits I fear.