1. Dec 5, 15:12 "Joe will win, but Martina should win"

   Ice creams were hidden around the jungle today to celebrate the team’s success at the Bush Battle. Whilst three searched frantically before the melt set in, David gorged on his and turned to the more important matter of his hair care products. He was never in the running for The King of Camaraderie.

2. Dec 4, 10:17 "David's eccentricity could win it"

   Whilst there is not too much action in the jungle, all the other evictees are living the life of riley in the ultra salubrious Versace hotel. However, with only a few days to go the balance shifts and the desire to win is surely greater than the desire to get to the delights that are in store for you in the form of a Versace apartment replete with gold taps and Gold Coast.

3. Dec 3, 09:46 "I'm shocked that Nicola's out"

   Bringing to mind an Iceland party-size sausage roll, Joe Swash in lycra was never going to blow the ladies away. However, he did a good job on his trial and brought home six meals for the camp. Whilst many couch potatoes in the UK will sneer at how "easy" these trials are, after a few weeks of rice, beans and Dollar man, energy levels are about as low as... Simon's on day one.

4. Dec 1, 12:43 "The public want rid of Brian"

   I fear Brian may have taken The Last Chance Saloon trial against Mallett a little too seriously. ‘People are relying on me,’ he said. Well no Brian, people are not. People could not even be bothered to pick up their phones to vote for you to stay. People don’t care if you throw up or give up. People just cannot understand how someone so pink and girlie was once a boy in blue.

5. Nov 27, 09:41 "Kilroy is a good egg"

   It was quite therapeutic watching Dollar man sink sub-surface in a telephone box, especially in the certain knowledge that just like every telephone box the world over, it smelt of wee.

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